The Crazy Things You Learn in Middle School

My introduction to the SHARE Tolerance program came at a very opportune time.  I was working as the School Resource Officer for a high achieving middle school.  The population of the school was very racially mixed and composed of mostly middle class kids.  No gang problems or violence other than the occasional school yard fist fight.  It was a very good school by all standards.

I had been working there for about 3 years and was disturbed to see a continuing trend.  The kids would separate themselves into racial or ethnic groups.  These groups were not formed as defensive measures from violence, as there is not much violence at the school at all.  The explanation of why these groups formed was confusing.  On closer inspection you could even see that there were also sub-groups formed within these larger groups.  The sub-groups were comprised of kids that were seen as “newer” immigrants.  The kids were discriminating against there own group based on perceived status.

I know that it is natural for people to segregate themselves into groups that they share common denominators with.  Race, ethnicity, religion, are some of the many common ground areas people look for.  The perception of commonality and understanding are strong attractions in the formation of peer groups, friends etc.  I convinced myself that this was the reason that the groups were forming.

As I talked to the kids, I was surprised to find out that the reasons were much more complex and sometimes disturbing.  Some kids innocently looked for others that shared the same second language with them.  Others found the feeling of strength and safety in their group, but some claimed not to like kids in other groups, but no one could answer specifically why.  Others felt that if they did not belong to a group they would be victimized by other groups, but had not been victimized in the past.

The point that disturbed me most was that these 12 and 13 years olds life experiences did not justify their actions.  Without any facts or malicious intent, these average kids were learning a dangerous and ugly lesson on race/ethnicity without even knowing it.  In a time when their lives should be filled with discovery, and accumulating knowledge they were discriminating and excluding.  I realized that these kids were a microcosm for many things that we see locally and even worldwide.

I know that there are many other factors involved in this, but I also know that it had to change.  As the staff and I struggled with various “fixes” for this problem, I became introduced to the SHARE Tolerance program.  It was just what I was looking for and it came from my own back yard.  I was impressed by the way the program reached out to kids in its reality based, non preachy manor.  After becoming a facilitator, I found that my kids were an accurate barometer for many kids throughout Los Angeles County and beyond.

My kids have taught me many things. The most important is that the SHARE Tolerance program is our first step in a long process of change.  It can be the seed that we are looking for to start our growth from tolerance, to acceptance, to enjoyment of people that are different than ourselves.

   Steven N. Toly, Deputy

 

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